Like most people in mourning I heard all the clichés. Time will heal. It will get better. Life goes on. People don’t know what to say and I know I have shamelessly trotted these all out to my friends in the past. Never again. And the worst of these is the help cliché “if there is anything I can do to help ...... “. A few very close friends say it, mean it and do something. But for everyone else it the emptiest cliché; there is nothing they can do!
Yes I have said it to people in the past. And I am ashamed of it. I must never say it to anyone again. Of course we all want to help to sooth people in distress. But what can one really do. I have promised myself only ever to offer real help. I’ll say “come to supper next week” and fix a date. Or “ I’ll book cinema tickets for us – lets go to see ...”. Or “I’ll introduce you to my friend who’s had a similar problem”. But I’ll fix a date and do something or say nothing.
Perhaps people really mean the help cliché when they say it. Or just feel it’s the right thing to say. But what help can you really give someone who is alone? We all lead such busy lives and the only thing you can do is give time. Be there. Nothing else matters. To me now and to everyone else who feels as sad as I do now. But cut the clichés – please.
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